10 ridiculous examples of political correctness

Political correctness has become a bogeyman of our time, a creepy monster that stalks the streets, trying without a hint of humor to ban everything he disagrees with. This usually results in tasteless, polite options. But sometimes it is different. In search of words that will not offend anyone, a politically correct attitude sometimes gives rise to simply hilarious opuses.

10. "Baby, it's cold outside": a new reading

If you don’t spend most of your time on the Internet, you may have missed the controversy about the "Baby, It's Cold Outside" Christmas Carol. Written in the 1940s, a popular holiday piece describes the process of a man seducing a woman. Is it harmless? Absolutely. But it still occurred to someone that the song was actually about rape.

The new reading of the song's lyrics excited some people so much that songwriters Lydia Lisa and Josiah Lemansky decided to release a politically correct version especially for those who were touched by the original. The romance in the new version is about the same as in the gut study.

Seriously, if you want to laugh, listen to the song now. The new text includes excellent examples such as the man's words, “You have the right to refuse,” and responses ranging from “I really can't stay” to “I'm fine with that.” Further, the hero sings about how he enjoys what is happening, convinces the woman that he does not want to put pressure on her and offers to take her home safe and sound. Well, can it still seduce someone?

9. Snow White is a tough miner

Given the presence of the Seven Dwarfs, the modern reader - a defender of the rights of small people - can be expected to deal with the tale of Snow White. The same reader who even has no idea about the existence of dwarf throwing championships. But it was not the gnomes that caused public displeasure in the 1970s, but the fact that Snow White does not work in the mine.

In 1971, the Merseyside Women's Liberation Movement released a feminist reissue of the tale. Snow White is no longer a princess, but a tough miner, and she mines precious metals underground with the gnomes, instead of washing dishes after them.

There were other changes as well. The hunter is no longer in love with Snow White, but saves her "so that she can make her life meaningful." And the evil queen hates her stepdaughter for her liveliness and independence, and not at all because of her usual malice.

8. "Vagina monologues" for those who do not have a vagina

Ask anyone to name a feminist play and the answer is Vagina Monologues. Yves Enzler's collection of productions is the pinnacle of progressivism. This is where one would expect the Conservatives to be much more outraged than the Liberals.

However, it is not. In 2015, Mount Holyoke College of Humanities banned the production of Vagina Monologues for lack of political correctness. Instead, the students had to write their own versions of the play that would not hurt the feelings of "bisexual" people - transvestites, or women who do not have vaginas. The funniest part of this is that this version already exists.

Every year since 1997, Enzler has added a new monologue to the play. In 2004, she specifically included transvestites in it and called this part "They tried to knock out of the boy the dream of becoming a girl." Mount Holyoke's politically correct students are painstakingly reworking the feminist classic to create what already exists.

7. Melted Gallows

The Hanging Man is an old educational game for children. It is easy to understand the rules in it, it captivates and, among other things, reminds of the mortality of everything. But try saying this to one school that wished to remain anonymous (this was mentioned on the Internet resource for teachers "LessonPlanet"). After a complaint from a parent, the teachers were forced to change the game so that it turned from a "gallows" into a "snowman".

The reason was that the name of the game is reminiscent of lynching and is therefore not politically correct. And this would be really true if the "gallows" were invented by uncouth provincials who emerged from the worst period of racism. But the game actually originated in Victorian England and may have to do with criminals who were hanged publicly during the early reign of Queen Victoria. Because of one parent who has poorly learned history, now all the students of this school are forced to play the most boring "snowman".

6. Politically correct pets

Can you call yourself a pet owner? The Journal of Animal Ethics - the journal on the ethics of the treatment of animals - disagrees. In 2011, its editors decided that the words "pet" offend animals. They tried to replace a whole layer of vocabulary related to cat and dog ownership. The result was an order to call pets "companion animals" and owners "guardians".

It's funny, but they also tried to banish the idioms associated with animals in English. So, for the journalists of this publication, the phrase "drunk like a skunk" was banned, on the grounds that skunks are not alcoholics at all, and such statements humiliate them. The same prohibition comprehended the idioms "eat like a pig" and "cunning as a fox."

The endeavor extended to wild animals, which the magazine insisted should be called "free living" in order to avoid offending. One cannot help but wonder how these "free living" animals managed to make it clear to the editorial board that the old name "wild" offended them.

5. Freedom-loving sauerkraut

It's not just left-wing liberals who are obsessed with political correctness. The right has its own version known as "patriotic correctness." She also happens to be unintentionally funny, only this time it is forbidden that offends their sense of patriotism, and not the feelings of any minorities. But it can be just as funny.

One of the most famous examples is the "freedom potato". In 2004, members of the American Congress became so angry with France for its reluctance to support the invasion of Iraq that all cafes in Congress renamed "French fries," as they call fries, to "freedom fries." Incredible stupidity, but the palm is still in a different case: during the First World War, sauerkraut was renamed "free cabbage" (in English the word "sauerkraut" - sauerkraut - is of German origin).

Reading old articles now just blows your mind. People at the time argued that sauerkraut was "only for the Kaiser," while Americans should eat "loose cabbage." This artificially created distinction lasted until the end of the war.

4. Classical painting that will not offend anyone

The history captured in art is politically incorrect. In those days, artists often chose cruel or depraved subjects for their paintings, reflecting the poverty and prejudice prevailing around them. There are works by old masters depicting black people, with titles that include the word "negro", scenes of rape, and an abundance of blood and guts. Apparently, this turned out to be too much for the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. At the end of 2015, the museum renamed all paintings by classical masters whose names could offend anyone.

The victims of this initiative were such films as "Young Negro Woman" by Simon Maris (now she is called "Girl with a Fan") and "Negro Servant" by Michel van Musser. Others included words referring to dwarfs, Eskimos, and even stutterers.One way or another, the museum management censored and renamed 132 works of art that were deemed provocative, until someone got nervous about the politically incorrect word chosen by the artist who died 300 years ago.

3. Law on rape without violence

In the United States, there are serious problems with rape law. In printed form, it contains words such as "rape", "abuse" and other technical terms. When this topic is taught to students, they inevitably hear these terrifying words. Thank goodness there is Harvard. In 2014, students from America's eight oldest universities, the so-called Ivy League, tried to create a politically correct version of the rape law, which would not even mention the word “rape”.

In an article for The New Yorker, Professor Jenny Sack recalls how the students tried to stop her from using the word "abuse" even in the context of "it is an abuse of the law." I wonder what these frustrated students were thinking when they signed up for a course on rape law?

To Harvard's credit, they did not allow this delusion to spread and saved us from a surplus of useless babbling lawyers for 10 years in advance.

2. Politically incorrect rapeseed

In English, "rape", in addition to rape, also means "rape". Therefore, there is an opinion that the word "rapeseed" should not be used universally. This is a rude word for inhuman things. But what to do when this word is only a part of others, longer ones?

Predictably, the city has changed its slogan and now calls itself "a place for growth of opportunities." It is not surprising that rapeseed is now called "canola" there.

1. Politically correct political correctness

Here it is, the very moment when political correctness devours itself, spits it back out and then chews on the still warm erupted remnants. In October 2015, the University of Milwauke-Wisconsin published an annual list of prohibited offensive words, including the phrase "politically correct."

Yes, that’s how it is. The students of this educational institution were so offended by the idea of their own political correctness that they needed to invent a politically correct version for this word.

The university also felt that the phrase “slightly aggressive” could offend students, and suggested replacing it with “sensitive”. It's not even the variants of new names for old concepts that are absurd, but all the fuss around it. After several centuries, historians will consider that in our time we have simply reached the peak of political correctness. And you know what? It looks like they'll just burst out laughing.