Ask people to name someone they find charming, and the answers are often predictable. This is James Bond, a fictional spy with a penchant for shaken martinis. Perhaps they mention Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, or a historical figure such as the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Mahatma Gandhi. Now ask those same people to describe in a few seconds what makes these spellcasters so attractive.
This is where most hit the wall when defining what exactly is charisma. We instinctively know that we are attracted to some people more than others. Determining why we like them is a completely different exercise.
The ancient Greeks described charisma as a "gift of grace," an apt descriptor if you believe that likability is a God-given trait that comes naturally to some but not others. The truth is that charisma is a learned behavior, a skill that needs to be developed in much the same way that we learned to walk or practice vocabulary when learning a new language. Other desirable qualities, such as wealth or good looks, are undoubtedly associated with likability, but being born without them doesn't stop you from being charismatic.
Slurred speech can serve as a minus for charisma, if you have problems with pronunciation, we recommend that you go to the doctor. A speech therapist for adults will help you solve problems with the pronunciation of letters.
Quantifying Charisma
Despite all the work that has gone into quantifying charisma—and it has been studied by experts over the centuries, including Plato and those we spoke to for this piece—there are still many unknowns. However, there are two undeniable truths.
FirstlyWe are almost supernaturally attracted to certain people, especially those we like. Although this is not always the case; we might as well be attracted to a charismatic villain.
Second truth that we're terrible at pointing out what makes these people so charming. Aside from superficial observations—a cute smile or the ability to tell a good story—few of us can quantify in an instant what makes charismatic people so attractive.
Maybe it's evolutionary. As a species, innate instinctive feelings lead to what we often call internal feelings. These feelings are actually a subconscious response to the dozens or perhaps hundreds of verbal and non-verbal cues that we unconsciously process in every interaction with others. It is a necessary skill that allows all mammals to gauge the intentions of others by constantly taking inventory of things like body language, speech rates, and subtle movements that may indicate a threat.
John Antonakis, professor of organizational behavior at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland, points out that charisma is, at its core, just a signal of information. “Essentially, charisma is about conveying information in a symbolic, emotional, and value-based way,” he said. “So charismatic signaling is the use of verbal and non-verbal techniques.”
In comparison, what Dr. Antonakis described is essentially a simpler version of the fight-or-flight response. However, instead of fighting or fleeing, we constantly make micro-decisions about whether the person who demands our attention deserves it.
The Three Pillars of Charisma and How to Practice Each
Olivia Fox Cabane, charisma coach and author of The Charisma Myth, says we can boil down charismatic behavior into three pillars.
first pillar,presence , includes staying in the moment. When you notice that your attention drops when you are talking to someone, refocus by concentrating Pay attention to sounds in the environment, your breathing and subtle sensations in your body - a tingling sensation that starts in your toes and radiates throughout your body .
Power , the second pillar, involves overcoming self-imposed barriers rather than achieving higher status. It's about removing the stigma that comes with the success you've already earned. The impostor syndrome is known to be a common fear that you are not worthy of the position you are in. The higher you go up the stairs, the more common this feeling becomes.
The key to this pillar is to eliminate self-doubt, the belief that you belong and that your skills and passions are valuable and interesting to others. This is easier said than done.
third pillar,heat , fake a little harder. This requires you to emit a certain vibration that signals kindness and acceptance. You can experience this feeling from a close relative or dear friend. It's difficult, given that those who succeed here are the people who evoke that feeling in others, even when they've just met.
To master this principle, Ms. Cabane suggests imagining a person for whom you have a lot of warmth and affection, and then focusing on what you enjoy most about your general interactions. You can do this before the interaction, or in short bursts when listening to someone else. This, she says, can change body chemistry in seconds, causing even the most introverted among us to radiate the type of warmth associated with highly charismatic people.
The tip of the iceberg
All of our experts agreed that charisma is not a universal descriptor; it's more of a hierarchy. Some people exude charm through warmth and generosity, while others are likable in a sort of evolutionary sense - alpha types who exude confidence and success.
Going back to the three main principles, the most charismatic people you know on a personal level have generally achieved a high level of success in only one or perhaps two of these traits. Rare, however, show mastery of all three.
Dr. King, for example, has shown signs of mastery in each of these pillars, resulting in a rare classification that Mrs. Cabein calls "phantom charisma."
If this is the top of the hierarchy, the next three examples would be somewhere in between.
Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, showed a mastery of power and achieved high marks for presence. However, according to his daughter, Lisa Brennan-Jobs, he lacked warmth in her 2018 memoir, Baby. Tesla's chief executive, Elon Musk, may also lack heat. He is a classic introvert who makes up for the lack of skills of people with mastery of presence and above-average levels of strength.
Mr. Jobs, according to Ms. Cabein, is best classified as having "authoritative charisma" and Mr. Musk as "focal charisma."
Then there are the likes of Emilia Clarke, who starred in Game of Thrones on HBO. Clark's exuberance earns her high marks in "charisma kindness," a classification for those who excel in warmth while maintaining high presence but low power.
It's just a scratch on the surface, of course. But the important point here is that charisma is not the only thing. Instead, it's often better to think of it the same way you think of intelligence.Getting high marks in math and science is a signal of intelligence, as is mastery in art or music. Trying to compare one smart person to another just leads to more confusion. The same can be said about charisma.
Charisma Training: Low Hanging Fruit Edition
If you're looking for a good starting point to be more enjoyable, Dr. Antonakis suggests telling stories.
He says the most charismatic people in the room are those who speak metaphorically, providing content for the conversation through exemplary use of anecdotes and comparisons. Instead of recounting events, they paraphrase actions using facial gestures, energetic body language, and vocal inflections to form key points. They are adept at using moral persuasion and reflections of group sentiment, and at using questions, even rhetorical ones, that keep people engaged. In short, they just tell a good story.
In fact, during a conversation with charisma experts, a theme emerged that is instantly recognizable to anyone who has taken a public speaking course or attended a toastmaster meeting: the most charismatic people are often the most effective public speakers.
However, charisma is not only a sophisticated and attractive speaker. Charismatic people like it not only because they can tell a good story, but also because they make others feel. Besides being humorous and attractive, charismatic people can block out distractions, leaving those who interact with them feeling as if time had stopped and they were all that mattered. They make people feel better, which keeps them coming back for future interactions or expanding existing ones, if only to enjoy those moments.
The fastest way to become more enjoyable is to get out and practice being more enjoyable. It starts at home, removing your self-doubt and focusing instead on being an active participant in conversations and interactions with others.
From there, it takes little more than just saying yes to more invitations, joining a public speaking class (or a local group like the toastmasters) and continuing to look for ways to show your strengths while amplifying your weaknesses. Each interaction provides an opportunity to practice, learn, and apply new strategies.
Much like learning any other skill, sometimes it goes well and often it doesn't, especially in the beginning. But if you think of charisma as a skill tree, each workout is just a way to brush up on the many ways to climb it.
