Can you name your best friend? Or two? Or maybe you have so many strong and long-term friendships that it is impossible to single out just one? A person is born capable of building communication, but success in making contacts obviously varies. The team always has the soul of the company and is unsociable. What does the first do correctly and where does the second lag behind? Learn from the ten secrets to effective engagement in this article. Also take a look at the article 10 Essential Qualities of a True Friend.
Put yourself in the shoes of others
The golden rule of ethics is: “Treat people the way you want them to treat you". But it is not enough to transfer your own experience to others. The task is to understand what a person is going through. This is called empathy. No healthy relationship works without it. Empathy - the key to cooperation that pleases both interacting parties.
Sometimes people think only of themselves, making decisions in life. Then they wonder why they are alone. Accept the fact that two people will come to different conclusions even when they are in the same situation. If you want people to find your company pleasant, it's time to learn tact and sincerely think about the feelings of others as well as your own. Soon after mastering this skill, new acquaintances will develop by themselves.
Know yourself
Many live with a focus on all sorts of obstacles. People around are suspected of intrigues, blamed for failures. Conflicts, in particular, originate from people who do not accept responsibility for their failures. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses prevents you from piling on impossible obligations.
Track what your behavior influences in your daily life. Diving inside will help you not to be surprised or to feel offended if the root of your problems is in you. Self-awareness is more than just a critical look inside. This is a willingness to accept what you see without offense. Work on bugs.
Your relationship has one thing in common - you. If communication does not lead to the fact that others are to blame for the failure, they will want to spend much more time in your environment.
Open up to people
It is important to understand yourself. And it is equally important to remain yourself. Communication is perceived by squeezed people as a necessity "fit in". From adolescence, they develop the habit of trying on masks to gain approval.
In reality, honest relationships are stronger than others. An open demonstration of the present "I am»Attracts people with honesty. The problem of making friends is familiar to those who find it difficult to show the world their true colors for fear of being judged or rejected.
The truth is, everyone is faced with rejection and failure. Face your fears openly and people will feel at ease in communication. So they will be inspired to open their souls, to start a dialogue.
Do not judge
Knowing yourself, feeling others, it is easy to learn not to judge. After realizing your own imperfection, it is easier to accept others, wherever their path leads.
Life events change you to one degree or another. Realize that this happens to others as well. Everyone is moving at different speeds towards change that they do not control. Realizing this will open up an abundance of strength and patience. It will become easier to forgive people for imperfection.
Calling an acquaintance unworthy of friendship, we state that he is unlikely to change, learning from mistakes. By labeling someone as a failure, we deny their potential for growth. Give people time and space, don't burn bridges... Be amazed at how the person stepped forward when they met two or three years later.
Don't exalt yourself
The delusion of adolescence that posturing is an effective way to make new friends. There is some truth here. The strategy works in an adolescent environment where basic instincts dominate. At school, the most important thing is the owner of what the others do not have. Such leaders are surrounded by a crowd of admirers, but this status can only be maintained over and over again by proving superiority at the expense of humiliating others. Among adults, cooperation is valued.
Successful young leaders are not always ready to abandon this senseless strategy in later life. The leader of the school pack does not see the difference between friendship and reverence and persists in the pursuit of a sense of social domination decades later. He expects to be liked by those who are better at something than others. In fact, mature people choose their peers.
Express your feelings
Meeting a pleasant person invites a natural desire to impress. This is the first reaction. Sometimes the object of interest is discouraged and pretends not to notice the effort. Or, by nature, he is absent-minded and in fact does not see them. Opportunities for productive contacts are passing by. A defensive reaction is not excluded to an excessive expression of sympathy. All of this could be avoided if people spoke up at the beginning of the relationship. There is no need to solemnly broadcast, it is enough to say: “I like you. Let's see you more often". This gives the other person a chance to show reciprocity.
The method works when trying to make friends with influential people. And don't skimp on compliments. It is important for people to hear nice things about themselves.
Don't expect
Unrealistic expectations are a powerful cause of relationship frustration. If you expect something from your loved ones that you yourself could not or would refuse to do, an imbalance in the relationship is created. You tune in to disappointment, and you program your loved ones for failure. But they initially did not agree to them.
Set expectations on yourself. Control your own development, actions and behavior. Achieve goals on your own, do not expect a ready-made result on a silver platter from society.
When you expect nothing from others, but much from yourself, an atmosphere is created where it is easy to give selflessly. Sincerely appreciate what others are doing for you. People are attracted by this climate. Unlike a plume of unrealizable expectations, which are repulsive.
Be grateful
Express gratitude in response to help. Instead of overwhelming yourself with the need to return the service, say that you appreciate the assistance. Remember yourself. I don’t want to help those who left their efforts unattended again.
Lack of reaction can mean that a person is waiting for an opportunity to thank with deeds, not words. But silence is easy to interpret as ingratitude. Even if you're going to do something in return, it doesn't hurt to say a few words of appreciation right away.
Most people do not expect anything in return and are happy to contribute to a good cause. Always give what you can, including simple “thanks,” and be confident in your good karma.
Reconnect easily
It is not always considered natural to resume a relationship after a long silence or absence. Old friends are fondly remembered through time and space. But it's scary to call, suddenly they won't be happy after a long time. Or worse, rejected.
The universe is pulling us apart in different directions and bringing us together again. This is a simple and true reason for communication interruptions. Why demand any further explanation from friends? This will push you further.
We all have goals that do not apply to comrades. Friendship will last longer when there is a mutual tacit understanding on this matter.... In the end, time apart doesn't matter. And time spent regretting the past is useless. This approach avoids feelings of guilt in a relationship and sets the stage for instant bonding after a long separation.
Maintain a balanced dialogue
People with difficulties in their personal lives are unwittingly drawn to friends. Sometimes you need to cry into your vest. But remember that any friendship is a double traffic street. Leave room for an answer, even if you have a lot to say. Stop. It will not be superfluous to ask about the affairs of a friend first.
In a conversation, always evaluate interestingness from the perspective of the interlocutor. Crying into a waistcoat is selfish, but we all do it sometimes. When we are in pain, we are least capable of empathy. At such a moment, caution is needed. Perhaps the article 8 ways to support a friend when he is feeling bad will be helpful.
It's easy to shout into the phone about your problems for an hour and hang up without letting the interlocutor say a word. Next time he may not answer the call. Maintain balance, find the strength to think about the person at the other end of the line. When they complain to you, listen carefully and do not take the initiative in the conversation. Empathize, speak up, but don't pull the covers over yourself.
These rules are obvious, but not for people who feel lonely. Every relationship has a unique balance. Each acquaintance opens up a perspective that cannot be imagined. It is impossible to predict what impact you will have on each other.
Even if the entire list turned out to be completely new information for you, it's never too late to start treating yourself and others a little differently.
We recommend watching:
Useful video from the "Interesting to know" channel. Skills inherent in a person who builds good friendships. How to become a good friend, win people's sympathy and be an interesting conversationalist, see the video below.
